Cliff's Notes

From May, 1996 (Update #27)

I confess that I'm not fond of surveys. Or, more accurately, I don't like being surveyed because I don't like being asked weird questions. I always want to answer the question with a question: why are they asking that? One memorable question from the last survey I answered was, "When you think of the Pillsbury Doughboy, what image comes to mind?" Why did they want to know? But, unexpectedly, my work as a zebra mussel researcher brought me a survey I liked. In fact, it was the final frontier of survey subjects: invasion by aliens from outer space. I was going through my mail at the office when I came across the "Planetary Protection Survey," which was apparently being conducted by NASA. Here's a sample: "As a zebra mussel researcher you are no stranger to the dangers posed by nonindigenous or exotic species... But have you considered the dangers that life forms from other planets may pose to Earth... Your opinions may be important in determining what some of NASA's policies will be." Wow. This was heaven for someone raised in the era of "The Twilight Zone," "Star Trek" and "E.T." Of course, I have considered the dangers that life forms from other planets may pose to Earth. People my age have probably spent more time discussing alien invasions than important issues like U.S. foreign policy or the Pillsbury Doughboy. This is one subject on which I've had an unwavering opinion since I was a child, and my education and life experiences haven't changed my attitude one bit. My answer? Let them come. I mean, how much worse could they be than human invasions? And if they're so smart, why would they want to come here anyway? We're too bony to eat, and not very smart or friendly. Happily, I filled out the survey. So once again, zebra mussels added a new dimension to my life. I am now officially on record as having helped establish U.S. policy towards invaders from outer space. A childhood fantasy has come true!.

ID: 199605-13.

The Zebra Mussel Update was a 4- to 8-page quarterly national newsletter published by the University of Wisconsin Sea Grant Institute from May 1990 through May 1997. The ZMU documented the spread of the zebra mussel -- an exotic nuisance mussel -- through North America's freshwater environments, especially the Great Lakes, and on efforts to control it.